But Moses said to God, "If I come to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' and they ask me, ‘What is his name?' what shall I say to them?" 14 God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM." He said further, "Thus you shall say to the Israelites, 'I AM has sent me to you.’”  God responded, “I AM WHO I AM.”  Exodus 3:13

I recently had the privilege of attending a meeting at “Tall Oaks” Camp in the Greater Kansas City Region.  Duncan Miller, a Christian DOC minister in Nebraska, led the Regional Ministers in a day of silence as part of a twenty-four hour period of Spiritual Disciplines.  I participated in a number of labyrinth walks throughout the day.  When I reached the inner circle of my last walk, I sat on a bench and asked, “God, what question do you have for me?”  As I sat in the peace of the moment this question came to me, “Why do you define yourself by your failures?”  The question in itself was revealing.  Why do I define myself by my failures?  Is it because there are so many?  I have been told a person only needs one good idea out of a thousand to be considered a success.  Babe Ruth failed to hit the ball so many times he was known as the “Strike out King,” but now he is remembered for his homeruns. 

Why do I define myself by my failures?  Is it because the feelings of humiliation and embarrassment live deeper within than do the feelings of joy and ecstasy of success?  Why do I define myself by my failures?  Is it because, as a child, my image of God was more about a God of judgment and rules to follow, than a God of grace and love to receive?

After leaving the labyrinth I went to the indoor chapel to sit in silence and reflect some more.  Again, I pondered the question.  Then it hit me.  The main reason I define myself by my failures is because most of my memories are ‘failure stories’ about me.  I remember being told time and again how, when I was four, we went to Yosemite and before dad had the tent out of the car, I slammed the car door on my own thumb.  Before he had the tent up, I threw a rock up in the air.  It came down and split my head open leaving a scar.  Before dinner, we were walking to see Yosemite Falls and a yellow jacket nailed me between the eyes.  We went back to the campsite, took down the tent, and drove four hours home that same day, and that was our summer vacation that year.  (It is a great story; I’ll have to admit.)

 It was mentioned at the time, but never since, that I took second place in my age group in an all city yo-yo contest.  But the time I got into a fight with my older brother and kicked him, lost the fight, tore the ligaments in my foot, and was on crutches for six weeks, still comes up from time to time.  Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for a junior high boy to say he is on crutches because he “kicked” his brother in a fight?

As I thought about these and MANY others, I again asked the question, why do I define myself by my failures?  Is it because of my upbringing?  Not in total.  It is far more acceptable to name failures in life than successes.  “No one likes a braggart.”  “Humility is a virtue we would all do well to have.”  “The last shall be first.”  The main contributor is fear, fear of rejection.   Next time I reminisce with my children about their childhood it will be, “Remember when you changed the whole tone of camp on Monday and it became one of the best camps ever because of you?  Thanks for doing that.”  Or, “Remember how you got all of us into PSI Seminars and it made life fantastic for me?  Thanks for doing that.”  I will also lift up my grandsons every chance I get.

Seemingly, the next step would be to make a list of all my successes and define myself in relationship to those.  In contemporary society that would make sense.  Let’s see:  At a small church, I played on a basketball team that won all its games and was the only team in fourteen years to beat the 3,000-member church in town.  I was pastor of a church that grew from twenty-five to sixty in worship. But wait!  The problem is that all of this is either qualitative or quantitative. Who am I, really?  Genesis 1:26 indicates that I am to be like God.  So, what did God say when asked about his name?   Exodus 3:13: But Moses said to God, "If I come to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' what shall I say to them?" 14: God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."  He said further, "Thus you shall say to the Israelites, 'I AM has sent me to you.’”  God responded, “I AM WHO I AM.”  So, I am not defined by my past.  I simply need to learn to be a soul that is partnering with God to be present in each moment.  I am a soul on a journey, present in each moment, loved and forgiven. 

Dawn Breaker #89: I am a soul on a journey, present now yet seeking, to become more tomorrow than I am today.

"There are a number of guidelines I try to follow in life and ministry. I find that when I follow them, situations sometimes become like the rising of the sun.  There is a luminous glow turning to great light, and occasionally, inspiration.  When I don't follow these adopted guidelines, they sometimes become Don breakers, making life frustrating at best.   I do not suggest you should live by all the principles I choose for my life.  If they are helpful for you, make them your own.  They work for me."
                                                                                                                 Don Shelton